Soldier of Orange (1977)

Vivid and fascinating WW2 thriller about the occupation of the Netherlands. You’d never expect Verhoeven to shine in something as large and serious as this, but his personal history with the material (having lived through the occupation from ages two to seven) tempers most of his puerile sensibilities, while those that remain serve well to liven up your coming of age cliches (though all the actors look much to old to be college students anyway), the man getting sucked into war cliches, group of close-knit friends ending up in wildly different places cliches, etc.

It’s a first rate thriller in it’s own right, but what makes this film especially great is how, like Black Book, it actively muddles the black and white morality of WW2 narratives. There are members of the Dutch resistance who are anti-semitic, there are traitors working for the Nazis in order to protect their loved ones who are Jewish, there are members of British intelligence who are more than happy to send Dutch refugees on suicide missions as little more than diversions, Dutch citizens who cheer equally as hard for Nazi parades and parades of their Queen’s return after the liberation. As much as I love Verhoeven’s Hollywood sci-fi/action films, I think this is probably his greatest film. A

Starship Troopers (1997)

Verhoeven’s masterpiece, as far as his ventures into smart dumb movies go. Love how it’s less an action movie than an old Hollywood style tale of star-crossed lovers. Other than that, everyone on the internet knows why this movie is fantastic. I have little to add to that. A

Robocop (1987)

Pretty much a perfect action film, a slightly formless and flabby section in the middle aside. I love how uncool Robocop is. He’s easily the weirdest and dorkiest action hero of the 80’s, and probably the only one that subsists entirely on baby food. Verhoeven is the master of the smart dumb movie, and that allows this film is able to have it’s satirical cake and eat it too. A-

Tank Girl (1995)

Feels more like an excuse to sell soundtracks than anything, but utter stupidity and general shabbiness (between this and Freddy’s Dead, I think it’s safe to say that Rachel Talalay isn’t exactly a visionary director) cannot change the fact that this movie features Lori Petty as some kind of Riot Grrl Bugs Bunny. I can’t hate that. I’m sure actual riot grrls in the 90’s were enjoying the independent film boom too much to watch something as blatantly fake and studio-driven as this, but I can see this being a really important movie for some 12 year old girl. Which is my way of trying to justify how this candy-colored 90’s phantasmagoria (shout-out to Catherine Hardwicke for the great production design) tickles the 12 year old girl inside me. C

Pain & Gain (2013)

Overlong and consistently gross (sexist, racist, homophobic, take your pick!) but so goddamned funny that it’s a delight anyway. The Rock is the MVP, giving his best performance ever, and maybe the best performance in any Michael Bay movie ever (not exactly stiff competition, but still), basically playing the Lenny to Mark Wahlberg’s George. In the context of films on the whole, it’s little more than a crass Coen Bros. riff, but in the context of Michael Bay it honestly feels kind of remarkable. The script has a level of wit and lightness that somehow manages to not be destroyed by Michael Bay’s ugly filmmaking style. I have to say though, I found the ending troubling. After spending an entire movie mocking how fucking stupid these main characters are, finding out they were sentenced to death, and seeing their actual photos in the end credits, really grossed me out. I’m not saying we have to honor them just because they’re dead (these are murderer/kidnapper/extortionists after all), but that level of shaming just feels ghoulish. B

Iron Man 3 (2013)

A Shane Black movie through and through. You have the witty dialogue, the conspiracy theory plot straight out of Long Kiss Goodnight, the Christmas setting, the great attention paid to tiny bit parts (“I hate working here, they are weird.”), the weird tonal issues that arise because the film is darker and more callous than any film with evil lava men straight out of a Spy Kids movie should be (the “pussy” line gets a great laugh of shock but it really left a bad taste in my mouth), etc. The plot is pretty dull, to be honest, but the film finds such joy moment to moment that it’s easy to put it in the back of your mind. I imagine the Mandarin reveal (which I will leave unspoiled) pissed off a lot of fan boys but I think it was great for a film like this that is primarily a comedy. All Shane Black movies are primarily comedies, which is why his best movie (Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang) is the one that bypasses a lot of the dark tortured hero shit that never quite plays correctly for more and more jokes.

Which is why I found myself wishing that this didn’t have to be an Iron Man movie with endless explosions and physics defying robot punch-fests and goddamned Jon Favreau (Marvel must be pretty grateful for his work on Iron Man to always waste so much screentime on his useless character in these movies) that always get in the way of the real appeal, which is Robert Downey Jr. being charming and funny. Can’t Robert Downey Jr. be this charming and funny in a movie where we don’t have to pretend to care about his relationship with a damsel in distress? Speaking of which, at the end of the film there is a turn with Pepper Pots’ character that kind of had me excited so of course they immediately renege on it. I guess female characters aren’t allowed to be interesting in the Marvel universe.

Also, and this has nothing to do with Iron Man 3, but watching 20 minutes of trailers before the film was a total fucking nightmare. Just a grating mess of explosions and screeching and bullshit heroes journeys. It’s pretty easy to feel hopeless about the state of Hollywood seeing it all laid out in a row like that, even when it’s followed by a movie that punctuates its explosions and screeching and bullshit heroes journeys with a ton of humor and personality. Summer sucks. B

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

A little ambiguity would have gone a long way. Why does every villain have to be so evil? Even the neighbors complaining about a goddamned monkey next door are portrayed as assholes. As is, it’s a capably entertaining blockbuster with some phenomenal special effects. B-

Escape From New York (1981)

A remarkable and bizarre movie. You expect a tense, action-packed B-movie with a campy tone. But instead it’s a slower burn than Halloween, a dry satire, and very moody. Still not sure it’s “great” (or even “very good”) but it sure is interesting. B

They Live (1988)

The famous reveal still works like gangbusters, and stacks up against the best of Carpenter’s work. The rest of the movie is extremely clunky, though. That endless fight scene is ridiculous in the bad way. B-

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

I wouldn’t mind the shift in tone if Robert Rodriguez were better at filming action. That final battle is curiously devoid of any tension and excitement. B